The work is within: An invitation to therapy

Who I Help

I offer teletherapy for adults and families in California, Washington, Idaho, and Virginia. I can also work on a limited basis with clients in other states including Arizona and Minnesota.

  • Most of my work is with individual adults who need support and guidance to heal from anxiety, depression, relationship problems, and navigating a complex world.
  • A significant part of my practice is conflict resolution and relationship repair between two members of a family. This type of joint therapy with two adults might be individuals who live in different states (see list above). I have a particular specialty in working with mothers and their adult daughters, and have also supported close friends, siblings, and fathers and their adult children.

I do not offer therapy for children or adolescents, nor for couples who are romantically partnered.

Please keep reading to see more about the types of mental health challenges I am particularly skilled at helping with.

Transparency about Politics and My Views

As you meet me in this very limited way of reading my website, I think it’s important to share my beliefs with you. I stand against authoritarianism, governmental overreach, and misuse of power. I do not reject anyone for having different political beliefs, though if you become my client, I will invite us to explore them with you because I care about learning how you understand the world and the values that you hold. I do not require that you agree with me, in order for me to show my dedication to support you in your challenges. I work with many people who see the world quite differently.

My guess is you might agree that we are all being harmed by the politics of this era. I am taking action personally and professionally to find new ways of coping, healing, and surviving in the face of so many real threats to our safety, which I can share with you if you are interested in learning about my own experiences. We can talk about everything together, and I will be a partner with you to help you make sense of a changing and chaotic world.

Why am I saying all of this? Because a lot of therapists don’t.

When we get trained as psychotherapists, we’re taught to keep our views to ourselves, to be a “blank slate” and not disclose who we are. We also have an ethical obligation to work with all clients, regardless of whether we believe the same things. I support the latter, and I reject the former.

To be 100% clear: I do not identify as a Democrat, however I have also never voted for a Republican. I reject fascism, and violence, regardless of who instigates it. In my own life, I fight for peace, and I am not passive.

Now is the time to share that we are in this together, as people are struggling with the changes around us. This is why I am not bothered by your beliefs being different than mine. These changes impact us all, except the very wealthy. Regular people? We’re hurting, and being hurt by the system. I want you to know where I stand.

Would I be able to help you?

I have supported people like you with issues such as:

  • grief and loss, including significant deaths, heartbreak, pet loss
  • relationship issues
  • major life transitions, such as navigating a breakup, starting a new career, leaving or going back to school
  • low mood, low energy, irritability, inability to feel joy, a sense of deadness inside
  • self-critical thoughts, harsh inner critic
  • anxiousness that can turn into obsessiveness, including rigid rituals to try and feel safe
  • dread from the state of the world: political anxiety, economic uncertainty, gun violence, systemic inequality, global warming and climate disasters
  • conflict avoidance and difficulty speaking up or getting needs met (warning: I will encourage you to be more direct in your approach to your relationships, which is very difficult for some avoidant types – I will support you in learning this skill if you are ready!)
  • co-dependent tendencies including self-sacrificing behaviors, overfunctioning, overcontrol
  • being an adult child of an alcoholic, or neglected, or growing up poor, or in a household with violence, and the childhood traumas that may have never been healed
  • chronic indecision that keeps you stuck
  • lack of self trust, preoccupation with how others see you, and inability to feel safe

Those issues are common to many, many people.

I have some niche areas of experience as well, including (in no particular order):

  • hypersensitivity to rejection and fear of abandonment, including what is sometimes labeled as borderline personality disorder, although sometimes this is actually CPTSD (complex PTSD, meaning chronic traumas over time usually from scary situations in childhood) – CPTSD and borderline personality disorder are often misdiagnosed and confused for one another yet they are quite different, I can help you understand which might be going on for you
  • intense shame and coping mechanisms to cover low self esteem that may make us come across as inauthentic to others, or have us striving to feel special in ways that actually block connection with others; these patterns are sometimes part of narcissistic tendencies which may be misunderstood or misdiagnosed, and can be very difficult to face
  • health anxiety and preoccupation with illness, including somataform disorder
  • panic attacks
  • dissociation
  • misophonia
  • affirming gender identity exploration, and clients who are trans, nonbinary, or questioning
  • open relationships, poly, BDSM/kink, and non-heteronormative lifestyles
  • being a counselor to other therapists, and to social justice advocates, community organizers, and political activists

What might we focus on together?

Experiences of anxiety and depression are incredibly common in our modern world. I would be surprised if you haven’t suffered from these problems. We will look at your symptoms — maybe it’s sleeplessness, or oversleeping; maybe you can’t get motivated to do anything because of how crappy you feel; maybe you are really sensitive and you feel like you overreact, or people tell you that you do; maybe your relationships are suffering.

Here’s some ideas of what our work will look like:

  • Identifying root-cause issues
  • Being seen and heard
  • Untangling emotions and looking at why it REALLY bothers you
  • Allowing the emotions to be here without taking us over or running away from them, suppressing them, or using self-harmful behaviors to try and escape them
  • Re-learning emotional connection, with ourselves and with others
  • Building an ability to tolerate frustration – which can be really difficult for those who have experienced severe traumas
  • Centering ourselves in our own experience and separating from other people in a healthy way
  • Getting better at responding instead of reacting
  • Practicing communicating together so that the conversations that feel so risky have a better chance of success
  • Finding meaning after suffering
  • Discovering the patterns and realizing how things can be different

What is my style or approach?

My clinical orientation is called psychodynamic, which for me, means that I care a lot about emotions, and tend to use them as a point of inquiry, as a way to understand what’s going on inside. That being said, there are other avenues to explore, too. That’s because many of us are blocked to emotions, especially those with strong masculine qualities. We may investigate the cycles and patterns you’ve been experiencing, or how you “show up” to others, how you impact them and how they influence you.

By its very nature, psychodynamic psychotherapy is depth work. It usually takes time to build trust and safety together, for these larger themes to surface. For most humans, it took many years for unhelpful patterns to become entrenched, through the experiences of trauma and disconnection we’ve suffered in the past. It may take some time to un-do them through new ways of thinking, believing, and being. We will look for opportunities to increase your strengths and build your supports, so you can find ways to feel better as soon as is possible. This is the type of work that benefits from meeting regularly, usually once every week (sometimes more often), where change is tracked over time. We will do that together through open discussion of what you want to work on and how.

I might summarize all of this as work that develops new and improved skills for coping with life, that allows a greater sense of self-integration where wholeness and vitality can be experienced, along with the inevitable challenges.

I also use techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to explore fixed beliefs; Dialectical Behavioral Therapy to build capacity to tolerate emotional distress; Mentalization Based Therapy to increase our ability to understand ourselves and others. These different techniques are brought into the moment of our work together to help you see the world differently and get unstuck from the inside out. All of my approach is trauma-informed. The techniques I use are tailored to you as an individual human, and to my conceptualization of what is limiting you.

I will support you, I will seek to understand you, and I will challenge you to grow. (Notice the name of this website? ☺️ )

Do you want to find out what might be possible together?

If you’re currently feeling like it might help to talk to someone, to look at what’s really going on in your life, please reach out and we’ll see if this might be a place to begin.

If you’re in crisis, please reach out to your family and friends, they are your support system. If you need medical attention or you feel like you will hurt yourself or someone else, go to your nearest emergency room or call 911. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line for immediate support from peer counselors. Many communities have Mobile Crisis Units too. Here is a list of California crisis units organized by county.